A FEW THINGS THEY DON'T TELL YOU ABOUT THE FIRST FEW WEEKS

A Few Things They Don't Tell You About The First Few Weeks

I gave birth to my wonderful bundle of joy about three weeks ago. As a first time mom, I was picturing the TLC-Like Baby Story where I have a somewhat strenuous labor but end up going home the next day with my baby in hand. I ended up with a 34 hour labor with intense back pain only to be told I was too small to birth my child naturally so I ended up with a c-section. Not what I pictured but whatever...she's here and perfect and that's all that counts right? So any-who, I have compiled a list of surprises (some pleasant, some not) that have come to light in the past few weeks that any expectant mothers might find helpful:

1. Telling your husband that you think you're having contractions is not a good idea if you are not entirely sure you are in full full blown labor. This may result in your husband asking every mother he knows if, "this is normal?"
2. Once you are in the hospital and have been admitted they don't let you eat. its for the best but its not pleasant. If there is anything worse than a pregnant, contracting wife, it is a hungry, pregnant, contracting wife. 
3. When you have the baby, you wont be able to tell if it looks like you or your husband right away. it will look like smush with white goo and you will love that white gooey smush more than anything in this world.
4. Your family will say it looks like you. His family will say it looks like him. this will be a family debate for years to come.
5. Your first meal will taste like it is from God's oven but it is nothing compared to the feeling of that first shower. Sweet Lord above that first shower is amazing. 
6. They say not to bring makeup. Bring it if you like it. It will make you feel better.
7. You will still look 6 months pregnant when you leave. In fact, you might even have one of your neighbors ask if you're practicing with someone else's infant until yours gets here, assuming that you're still pregnant because obviously all women snap back to their pre-pregnancy shape right after having a child.....-__- get real David...GET.REAL.
8. Some friends will wash their hands before holding the baby. Some wont. Don't panic...your baby will not get SARS because someone didn't use the GermX. 
9. Suddenly everyone who has ever read a holistic article about vaccines is an expert on them. When people start getting accepted into residency programs based on how many WebMD articles they have read, then you can tell me all about your view on anything from vaccines to the Black Plague, until then, shut your mouth and let me inject my child with whatever I want without poo pooing me.
10.  Breastfeeding was once described to me as "A magical bonding moment between you and your child." If by that you mean razor blades through your nipples 8-12 times a day, you are correct...its magical. I am sure it will get better but for now its "Magical."